Dear Lena, I got the (Covid) vaccine, and they think I’m stupid. When the pandemic hit, I kind of knew the views of those around me, so it’s not like I was surprised by their behavior towards everything that’s been happening; I ran away not to listen, of course, but I couldn’t do anything else. After I got vaccinated, my whole family got vaccinated too (which I wasn’t expecting honestly because the things they said were horrific). I wasn’t expecting any reaction from my friends – good or bad. But, lo and behold, I was the stupid one when they found out.  They didn’t say anything to me, but they said it to a friend who then told me. “I can’t stand those people who do something without knowing; there’s so much ignorance” and more of the same. And that was it. I didn’t even want to see her anymore as soon as I heard, honestly. But what are you supposed to do in this case? We’ve known each other since we were kids; you love this person, but on the other hand, she looks down on you.

LENA ANSWERS: 

You’re saying you knew their views, so you weren’t surprised by their behavior. Then why were you surprised by their behavior? Were you expecting that despite their opinions, they’d make an exception for you because you had known each other since you were kids? Why aren’t you making an exception for them?

We can’t tell you “what you’re supposed to do.” It’s your life; you’re in charge. No one can tell you who to befriend and why.

But I detect a more significant problem, not just that one friend. You’re focused on her. You heard specific things you couldn’t avoid hearing because someone forcibly told you. If the message weren’t passed on to you, you wouldn’t do anything, even though you knew the views of those around you. And you’re saying, “I couldn’t do anything else.”

Of course, you could. You could have done what you’re doing right now, which is to ask yourself if you should cut them loose. You didn’t have to hear they blasted you to ask the question. If I were asked to give only one piece of advice, it’d be this: observe how people treat others to know who you’re dealing with. I notice people watching other people do things they completely disagree with, something that affects human lives, but their impression of them doesn’t change because they weren’t the ones affected. They think they’re unique and deserve special treatment. It never ceases to amaze me. We’d be less often taken aback if we opened our eyes and observed carefully how our close ones treat others.

And, of course, let’s not forget the obvious. People who convey hurtful words could be dangerous. They’re not doing it to protect you; they have their own motives, which don’t include you. You’re just a means to an end.

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